Monday, October 5, 2015

Done.

Sunrise the other morning.
The vet came out today.  We chose to end Sweet Caroline's suffering.  I couldn't post about her condition this past week because it was just too agonizing.  She never started eating. If she had I feel she would have survived.  Due to the nerve damage the vet observed on her right side or injured eye side her ear and lip drooped.  That I think was why she wouldn't eat.  She just couldn't figure it out.  I spent the week hand feeding her with a syringe a mixture of water, alpaca pellets and molasses.  She lost weight and was down to skin and bones.  On Thursday the vet came out and removed her stitches from her eye surgery.  The incision had healed nicely and her ear was clean and infection free.  Because she wasn't eating, however, the vet said her prognosis wasn't hopeful.  As a last resort he started her on a steroid in hopes that it would repair the nerve damage and encourage her to eat.  By Friday evening I noticed a small area of cloudiness in her good eye.  By Saturday evening her good eye had completely clouded over and was oozing.  Possibly the infection from the damaged eye remained in the optic nerve and as she became weaker she was more vulnerable to the infection.  I found her out in the middle of the pasture by herself in the dark with a cold rain coming down.  I had trouble getting her up but was finally able to lead her back to the barn.  I put her in a stall by herself.  She was now totally blind.  I honestly thought I would find her dead on Sunday morning.  She made it through Sunday but when I went out this morning I could smell death on her breath.  The vet arrived about 11:30 a.m.  It has been a heartbreaking experience.  She was so stoic and brave and refused to give up.  I'm sorry I won't have the opportunity to share life with her.  I buried her out back behind the pastures.  We have a sand "pit" there will a mini hill.  This way she will be close to her alpaca companions.  RIP Caroline!

Caroline's grave marker.
I found a nice selection of granite rocks to mark her grave and celebrate her life.

Grave site at the bottom of the hill.

View from the sand "hill" looking towards the pastures, barn and house.
Caroline's grave is just in front of this view.  It was hard to let go and "give" up on her.  As the week came to an end, however, I could barely stand to go out to the barn because it was so disheartening.  Every time I looked at her I wanted to cry.  Though this was not the outcome I envisioned when we brought her home three weeks ago it was for the best.

Now it is time to move forward and concentrate on fiber, halter training, and breeding.  Life goes on and the best tribute I can pay to Caroline is to do just that.